How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
