How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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