I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Randomize
