i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
