1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
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