he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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