I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
