I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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