is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
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