I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
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