Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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