I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Someone came in the potted fern
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
