I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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