rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
