we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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