My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
