tonight lets celebrate not being married
she peed on how many people?
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
