Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
