Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Randomize
