So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
