my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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