It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
