Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
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