oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
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No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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