so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
