Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
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