Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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