I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
a search helicopter?!
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
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