If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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