You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
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