You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
