This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
dude i'm inner monologue high
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Randomize
