I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
