Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Randomize
