I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
