You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
