It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Randomize
