theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
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