Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
