i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
