I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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