When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Randomize
