Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
im six kinds of drunk right now
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Randomize
