True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize
