didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
