Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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