I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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