Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
So vagazzling was a success
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
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