Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
