shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
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