we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
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