When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
She bit a glass in half.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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