I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
