It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Randomize
