did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Randomize
