You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
