what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Randomize
