WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
