I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Randomize
