mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
