I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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