i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
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