I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
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