I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
