wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Can I color on your dick again?
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
