just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
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