Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
He better not be in your backpack
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Randomize
