Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
My vagina just recognized that song.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
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