It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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