called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Randomize
