Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
