You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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