Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
