you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Randomize
