I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
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