$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Randomize
