We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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