about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
