Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
