He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
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