He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
