Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
